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elenearielExcerpt from Thief of Time, by Terry Pratchett. Posted because...it amuses me greatly. =D
"They're only a kind of troll. Who's going to protect them out here?" said the hunter. Behind him, the local guides, who did know Rule One, turned and ran.
"Me," said Lu-Tze.
"Oh?" said the hunter, and this time the grin was nasty. "You don't even have a weapon." He turned to look at the fleeing guides. "You're one of the wierd monks from up the valleys, aren't you?"
"That's right," said Lu-Tze. "Small, grinning, wierd monk. Totally unarmed."
"And there's fifteen of us," said the hunter. "Well armed, as you can see."
"It's very important that you are all heavily armed," said Lu-Tze, pulling his sleeves out of the way. "It makes it fairer."
He rubbed his hands together. No one seemed inclined to retreat.
"Er...any of you boys heard of any rules?" he said after a while.
"Rules?" said one of the hunters. "What rules?"
"Oh, you know, said Lu-Tze. "Rules like...Rule Two, say, or Rule Twenty-Seven. Any kind of rules of that sort of description."
The leading hunter frowned.
"What in the world are you talking about, mister?"
"Er, not so much a 'mister' as a small, rather knowing, elderly, unarmed, wierd monk," said Lu-Tze. "I'm just wondering if there is anything about this situation that makes you, you know...slightly nervous?"
"You mean, us being well-armed and outnumbering you, and you backing away like that?" said one of the hunters.
"Ah. Yes," said Lu-Tze. "Perhaps we're up against a cultural thing here. I know, how about...this!" He stood on one leg, wobbling a little, and raised both hands. "Ai! Hei-eee! Ho? Ye-hi? No? Anyone?"
There was a certain amount of bewilderment among the hunters.
"Is it a book?" said one who was slightly intellectual. "How many words?"
"What I'm trying to find out here," said Lu-Tze, "is whether you have any idea what happens when a lot of big armed men try to attack a small, elderly, unarmed monk...?"
"To the best of my knowledge," said the intellectual of the group, "he turns out of be a very unlucky monk."
Lu-Tze shrugged.
"Oh, well," he said, "then we'll just have to try it the hard way."
[Whereupon the Hunters are Annihilated]
"They're only a kind of troll. Who's going to protect them out here?" said the hunter. Behind him, the local guides, who did know Rule One, turned and ran.
"Me," said Lu-Tze.
"Oh?" said the hunter, and this time the grin was nasty. "You don't even have a weapon." He turned to look at the fleeing guides. "You're one of the wierd monks from up the valleys, aren't you?"
"That's right," said Lu-Tze. "Small, grinning, wierd monk. Totally unarmed."
"And there's fifteen of us," said the hunter. "Well armed, as you can see."
"It's very important that you are all heavily armed," said Lu-Tze, pulling his sleeves out of the way. "It makes it fairer."
He rubbed his hands together. No one seemed inclined to retreat.
"Er...any of you boys heard of any rules?" he said after a while.
"Rules?" said one of the hunters. "What rules?"
"Oh, you know, said Lu-Tze. "Rules like...Rule Two, say, or Rule Twenty-Seven. Any kind of rules of that sort of description."
The leading hunter frowned.
"What in the world are you talking about, mister?"
"Er, not so much a 'mister' as a small, rather knowing, elderly, unarmed, wierd monk," said Lu-Tze. "I'm just wondering if there is anything about this situation that makes you, you know...slightly nervous?"
"You mean, us being well-armed and outnumbering you, and you backing away like that?" said one of the hunters.
"Ah. Yes," said Lu-Tze. "Perhaps we're up against a cultural thing here. I know, how about...this!" He stood on one leg, wobbling a little, and raised both hands. "Ai! Hei-eee! Ho? Ye-hi? No? Anyone?"
There was a certain amount of bewilderment among the hunters.
"Is it a book?" said one who was slightly intellectual. "How many words?"
"What I'm trying to find out here," said Lu-Tze, "is whether you have any idea what happens when a lot of big armed men try to attack a small, elderly, unarmed monk...?"
"To the best of my knowledge," said the intellectual of the group, "he turns out of be a very unlucky monk."
Lu-Tze shrugged.
"Oh, well," he said, "then we'll just have to try it the hard way."
[Whereupon the Hunters are Annihilated]
