eleneariel: (lily of the valley)
I don't make logical decisions when I'm half-asleep. In fact, logic doesn't seem to play a part in my thought process at all. I'm not sure how difficult it is to think "get one of the blankets from the stack on the end of the bed" when one wakes up cold in the middle of the night, but my sleepy solution is never that.

It's apparently to see how tight of a ball I can curl up into, like a pitiful little puppy huddled in a cold corner.

My conclusion is that I am an idiot. At least when mostly asleep.
eleneariel: (art in the everyday)
Hang out at home. Pay bills. Laugh a lot. Drink cup after cup of coffee. Do the unthinkable and use scotch tape to hold a vintage map together. (Remember with guilt all the times scotch tape was declared the Supreme Evil in archival classes.) Go for a walk and marvel at the sight of setting sun glinting off newly-formed leaves. Burst out with "I LOVE SPRING" about a dozen times. Hold kittens.

Laugh at the Chinglish (Thailish?) on the menu from Thai House II. (Thai iced tea with no iced ... $2.50. Add extra sauce or something else, the price will be adding it up to original price.)

Try to answer some of the 40+ emails waiting for me, because I apparently FAIL at answering emails in a timely manner.

Listen to The Cat Empire and have flashbacks to Des Moines and music shopping at B&N.

Oh, and write blog posts.
eleneariel: (Pratchett (logic))
I heard a little NPR blurb advertising their morning news show ... "We'll catch you up on everything that happened while you were asleep!" It made me wonder when this idea started that we have some sort of an obligation to keep informed and appraised of so much. 

I like news. I like information. And I think it's good to be interested in more than just your local happenings - keeping an eye on national and international stories gives a sense of perspective.  But their innocent little promo made me realize that underneath my interest and enjoyment, I do feel like I'm "supposed" to keep up, and an underlying and subtle sense of panic if I don't.* I go to sleep listening to the BBC. I wake up to more international news. I check google reader and twitter and news sites throughout the day. Sometimes I listen to Deutsche Welle radio in the evening. I catch talk radio whenever I can, read newspapers, read magazines, read anything and everything interesting that I find online, read books on all kinds of subjects. If I can't do these things for whatever reason, I feel like I'm falling behind - like I have to catch up.

In conclusion, to myself: Self, it is good to be informed. But stop this senseless feeling of obligation.

*on the other hand, I feel panic about a lot of things, mostly variations on "must do ALL the things during my lifetime."
eleneariel: (art in the everyday)
I'm definitely getting softer in my old age. All sorts of things are bringing me to tears - the little pink-tutued ballerinas in the opening scene of the Nutcracker, an Irish Christmas special on PBS, and then the last episode of the 2005 Doctor Who which I cried THREE TIMES tonight while watching.

eleneariel: (Picnic)

Engage. Do not sit back and wait for something to interest you enough to force your attention- be in charge of your attention. Direct it. Think about things. Don't be a passive recipient. Life is not a spectator sport. It's your responsibility to be interested, not entertained.

Don't just survive. LIVE.

(read the whole post, which goes on to talk about raising children with this attitude, here at the blog of my favorite family ever. I haven't seen them in far too long and I miss them! ♥)
eleneariel: (pratchett: logic)

Tonight I was remembering a random snippet from my childhood:

When I was maybe six or seven, I found brushing my teeth to be a needless interuption in my day. It took up too much valuable time that could have been spent reading or playing in any number of my pretend worlds. I mean, come on. A minute and a half of tooth-brushing or a minute and a half of being a Vietnamese rice farmer? The choice is CLEAR.

Of course, my mother, being a good mother, insisted that I brush my teeth anyway.

My solution was to pantomime the entire process behind the closed bathroom door: run the water, pretend to put toothpaste on the brush, pretend to brush my teeth while holding the brush an inch away, run more water, pretend to rinse my mouth  ...


Yeah. Logic: severely lacking.

(Er ... mom? Did you know about this? Yeah, sorry about that. My six-year-old self apologizes for her complete stupidity.)

eleneariel: (Mari)
I'm sure everybody's done a million of these today, but now I'm curious. So please: tell me what you think I am.
eleneariel: (Default)
I never thought I'd be the kind of girl who wore heels six days out of seven. I love it; it changes your posture and the way you walk. And all my slacks are suddenly the correct length after all.

Speaking of which, I need some new black slingbacks.

I have wonderful plans for Saturday, which I'm sure I'll expound on later. Nevermind that it means I'll have no real time at home this week: oh well! Who cares! The benefits of having a (more) organized life is that it doesn't matter quite as much. I seem to be coping, amazingly.

I also feel far more healthy than I used to. I took a jog this morning that made my legs feel like jelly and I liked it. I never thought to enjoy it, just as I never thought I'd feel uncomfortable going to bed until I'd neatly put away the day's junk and made the room neat and tidy.

Never believe the people that tell you that your character is fully formed by age 21. It's not true. The past six months have seen a number of changes in me that I never thought would happen.
eleneariel: (mari)
Every so often something happens that makes me realize how different I've become.

A couple weeks ago in class we split into groups of three for a project. One person had to be the leader and organize the information given by the other two students. The other two in my group naturally assumed that I would be the leader of our group. And the scary thing is: I naturally assumed so too.

I've never been a natural leader in my life. I Do Not Assume Leadership Roles. I have rarely been picked out to be in charge of other people. In charge of projects I could do on my own, yes, but not other people. And yet, there I was, taking over with no problem at all.

Every so often I'll be standing with the "girls" at work (the part time ladies), and suddenly I will realized that I'm actually in a supervisory position over these people who are two and three times older than I am. There are times when I'm the only full time person in the building, and...then problems end up at my desk. I am 20 1/2 and they are coming to ME for a final decision on something?!

But mostly I just accept it and only occasionally am I shocked and surprised. And that's another of the things that has changed.

I'm kind of lonely today.


Dec. 15th, 2003 01:20 pm
eleneariel: (hope)
I'm filled with the unbearable joy of living, running wildly across the yard with the cool mist in my face and my hair blowing free, happy and joyful and filled with the promise of goodness and light.

Then I grow short of breath from the running and I plumet back to earth; the mist has made my carefully done makeup smear and my hair grow limp, but I remember the feeling of freedom and peace.

They come all too infrequently, but the glow remains even after the feeling has left.

July 2011

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